Funny Business: December

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Buyer's Remorse

By Neil Michel
When my evil multiyear cell phone contract finally expired, I went shopping for more minutes and less phone. A couple of hundred bucks later, I owned the smallest phone in the world. Cool and curious, it was the size of a matchbox.
    But the tiny phone was impossible to shoulder trap — to hold between the shoulder and ear — a technique expertly demonstrated here by Prosper Whiz Kid Jeremy Wolf, with his normal-sized phone (see Whiz Kids 2006, page 36). 
    For several weeks I tried to make myself flexible enough to shoulder trap the tiny phone, but I ended up with a chronic pain in the neck. Inspired by Ed Deline in an episode of “Las Vegas,” I decided to get one of those Bluetooth earpieces.
    But getting this headset was a little like buying a new car. Suddenly I noticed them everywhere, and buyer’s remorse quickly set in. Everywhere I turned, there was another person passionately addressing the air in front of their face; a little blue light now the only difference between chic and crazy.
    For now, I’m going with a slightly larger phone, and a little pain in the neck.





 

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